School News and Head's Blog
Posted on: 12/02/2021Pandemic Parenting
As we enter this half term break, I want to congratulate every parent in our community and every member of staff who has supported the children through what has been the most unforgettable period of our lives, and one which we most certainly would never have imagined this time last year. For Heads, the winter months of school always bring that element of wondering if we might need to prepare for a snow day! Do staff need to be alerted that we may need to be sending work home for a day or two if school needs to close? Well, this pandemic has seen the school reach new heights as we have adapted and responded to provide what we feel to be the best education possible for your children under these circumstances.
St. Helen's College parents have been phenomenal in the support you have given the school and your children. This week I read a blog from Elaine at the Parent Practice which really resonated with me. Her words neatly encompass what I would like to say to you all today, so instead of re-inventing the wheel I will share her words below. You may remember that I had asked parents for feedback after attending any of Elaine's webinars, and I am delighted to be able to share the reflections of one of our Year 5 parents below too.
I wish you all a restful half term - and I have hope that it may not be too long before we are able to welcome the children back to school.
Mrs. Drummond
Extract from Elaine’s blog:
Are you practising being a ‘good enough’ parent just now?
It's unrealistic to think you can do an eight hour working day whilst looking after kids and do home schooling. Something has to give. It's unrealistic to think you can be head chef, entertainment director, laundress, school teacher, employee, counsellor and coach and say “I’m ok” and don’t take time for yourself.
We all need to give up the perils of perfectionism, as perfectionism is unachievable. It’s a myth - it’s about us being obsessed with what others will think of us. We need to give ourselves a break. Your biggest priority just now as a parent is to keep stress levels down, so if home schooling is causing untold angst and stress for everyone, you have permission to ditch it or differentiate the curriculum. The reality is that children’s brains cannot absorb academic work if they are stressed, as cortisol interferes with the brain’s higher function, so please parents lower your expectations and practise being a good enough parent.
My other big concern is with this determination that our children ‘keep up’ and return to school not being too far behind in their studies. The reality is, this pandemic is rewriting history.
What your children will have learnt over the past 12 months way exceeds traditional measures of educational success. They may have had to deal with grief, with the death of a loved one; with loneliness and being separated from their friends, and they have almost certainly had to deal with boredom having had their freedom taken away from them. We simply have to adjust our expectations and most importantly, we need to know how to listen to our children, validate their feelings, and let them tell their story.
My final message is you can't pour from an empty cup, so think of yourselves as an emotional bank account - if you don’t make deposits, you can’t make withdrawals. You need to replenish the resource that you are, for your family.
From a Year 5 parent:
2020 was a year that changed so many things for everyone worldwide. We all made sacrifices that most of us took for granted. We couldn’t see our family and friends, we couldn’t hug our elderly parents and grandparents, most of us cancelled our holidays abroad, we couldn’t just pop to the shops as most of us had to queue outside for long periods and our children had to learn how to ‘work from home’.
I had heard about The Parent Practice website through our school, and although I had signed up for their newsletters, I had never attended a course. I decided to sign up to a webinar and give this a go. After all, I had more time on my hands during lockdown! Within five minutes, Elaine seemed to describe both my children in one sentence and I was totally engaged for the rest of the webinar. She gave simple and good advice and shared her own parenting experience.
The advice she gives works for primary school children and teenagers and gives parents ideas on how to ‘connect’ with their children. Do we connect with them how they want us to? My older son has always been described as the calm and quiet one, who was happy to work from home and be in his own company, whereas his brother missed his friends tremendously and couldn’t wait to get back to school and be in a classroom with his teachers and friends. Total opposites, but both totally normal.
Elaine gives simple advice on how to handle parenting in a more positive way, to help parents work with their children and bring out the best in them. As adults we are all different and this applies to children too. If something works for one child, it won’t necessarily work for another. Elaine provides advice on how we can do this by making simple changes. She talks about descriptive praise. Don’t say well done for getting 10/10 in a maths test, praise the effort they made to try to achieve the goal. If they didn’t hit the mark, it’s ok. They have still learnt something along the way. I remember saying this very often to my son, while he was preparing for his 11+. I could see the hard work and effort that he was making to try his best, and that was good enough. She teaches parents not to generalise praise, be specific with it. She talks about a golden book for each child, which you write things down that you have noticed that is done well, as we often point out when something has not gone well, and forget to praise what has. This gives children a belief that they are loved and accepted for who they are and not for who they are expected to be. She recommends that we use this for teenagers too. Even if the teenager is not openly thanking us for the recognition, they have read what we notice and what we think and that’s the most important thing. She suggests we play video games with our children or talk to them about a subject that interests them and help us connect to them. If we connect with our children, they will share their worries and anxieties with us. All these things seem quite obvious, but sometimes get forgotten as we all become set in our ways and busy trying to get through our day, and ready for the next. Elaine explains that we can be firm but fair and by becoming a fairer parent, it helps us to work with our children in a constructive way.
I have attended two webinars and they have both been useful. There is an opportunity to post comments in the chat box during the webinar and there is time at the end for Q&A. Parents can access the webinar for a certain period of time afterwards to watch the webinar back.
So would I recommend The Parent Practice website? Yes I would and I plan to attend more courses again in the future too.
I think of parenting as a wonderful gift and if we can take one positive from our experience with this awful pandemic, is that time is very precious, so we should make the most of it with the little people that matter the most to us.
Posted on: 5/02/2021It's Good To Talk by Mrs. Hunt
Many of you who know me well will know that I am a great talker! On reading an email my instinct is always to pick up the phone or arrange a meeting. Often, when writing, I find it hard to express myself or I will be anxious that my words might be taken in an unintended way.
It is a well known fact that early years children need to talk, talk and talk some more! This is how they make sense of the world around them. We, as their adults, listen and respond appropriately and, in doing so, we play an amazing part in their development.
We are living through times when the importance of talking and sharing our feelings is even more crucial. From the very young to the very old, speaking and being truly listened to makes us feel valued and worthwhile.
Recently, being rather wrapped up in my school work, I seemed to have forgotten my need to talk. This was made very evident to me when my daughter, who is currently living at home unable to return to university, asked me to take my eyes off the computer and tell her if I was OK! What followed was a wonderful few minutes of us reconnecting. It was therapeutic, calming and very worthwhile.
I have taught for many years and I have never tired of listening to children; they are honest, thoughtful, wise and often very amusing. When showing visitors around the school I often get asked about Philosophy For Children (P4C) and how it can possibly work in children so young. The facts are, that if you genuinely show an interest in what children have to say, they are always ready to tell you!
I have no desire to preach or indeed state the obvious but, as we continue through Children's Mental Health Week, I feel it is timely to remind us all to stop and take time for each other: to listen and to be heard.
Take care.
Mrs. Hunt
Posted on: 29/01/2021Home Schooling Pressures Through the Eyes of Our Children
This week I am delighted to share the voice of one of our parents who has very kindly shared him and his wife’s reflections on homeschooling.
Home Schooling Pressures Through the Eyes of Our Children
I spoke to Mrs Drummond recently about seeing homeschooling through a very different lens in this lockdown period. Mrs Drummond asked if I’d be willing to share my perspectives, which she felt may resonate across the broader parent cohort.
This lockdown has been very different for me, with both my wife and I working on front line C19 initiatives. Therefore, despite being at home, I have had much less time to devote to home schooling this time round. Requiring both the children to just “figure it out” until Mum or Dad can check in with them at “some point” before or at lunch time.
As parents, I think we all saw our children rush to school in September 2020 - we witnessed them come back from school full of anecdotes, happiness, a renewed passion to learn, hear about the friends they played with, games they made up or something completely random that could not possibly have happened at home.
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the challenges of leaving children to try and cope with online schooling themselves through a new lens. Internet dropping, computer’s freezing, having nose bleeds midway through a test, not hearing an instruction, the printer jamming, running up stairs or downstairs to dial in on time, timing a restroom break… can all take an incredible toll on adults, let alone our children. At school the instructions are verbal, they are direct and there is ample opportunity to ask questions. At home it becomes lonely for them very quickly, together with the shorter winter days, there doesn’t seem to be adequate time to get out in the fresh air before it gets dark.
We need to appreciate how difficult this time is for our children. We must remind ourselves to praise them for coping with the multiple challenges of trying to learn online; reassure them its ok if the internet drops, or if they have a nose bleed, or the printer jams half way through assessments or time critical tasks – simply put there are just some things in life that neither they nor us as parents can control. It has definitely allowed the children to gain a different level of independence and organisational skills which they may have not experienced otherwise. These will be life long skills they have gained.
As parents I am sure we are also very grateful to the school and teachers for all the meticulous planning and efforts to ensure the children are learning, keeping busy and that each day goes as smoothly as possible for everyone involved.
By Year 3&5 Dad
Posted on: 22/01/2021Cheerfulness by Mr. McLaughlin
I have always felt that cheerfulness is an underrated quality. We have all been at awards ceremonies where the prizes for effort, enthusiasm and cheerfulness are somewhat scorned in favour of the more tangible titles. Optimism can sometimes be derided as empty cheer or mistaken for naivety. However, it can play a vital role in enabling people to achieve happiness and contentment, perhaps the most prized feelings of all. In the current situation, this intrinsic fulfilment is more important than ever. Children seem to be born with an abundance of cheerfulness, and it is important to model, encourage, maintain and applaud it as they grow up.
Most people think of cheerfulness as a feeling or temperament, which means that cheerful people are those who got lucky genetically and are blessed with an ‘upbeat personality’.
Instead of viewing cheerfulness as a trait or feeling, what if we thought of it as a behaviour or a set of actions? A verb rather than a noun? What if we thought of cheerfulness as a habit of thinking and behaving?
We all know the frustrations of waiting in long, slow queues at the post office, of losing connection at the key moment of an important presentation or business meeting, or of turning up at the supermarket and realising that you have left your face mask at home! When these things happen, the cheerfulness with which a person may have entered the day can vanish quickly. But why? Did these events suck up all the cheerfulness?
Of course not. It vanished because the person started thinking and behaving differently:
S/he started looking at the time and worrying about being late.
Then s/he began castigating himself or herself for not picking another checkout line, or for being forgetful.
Perhaps s/he started to direct anger towards the postal workers, or the internet provider, or anybody else to whom blame could be allocated.
In these situations, whatever cheerfulness existed at the start of the day diminishes because of the way a person chooses to think, directly influencing their feelings.
In psychology, there is a set of principles called Cognitive Mediation Theory, which says that our thoughts always mediate the relationship between external events and our emotional reactions. A little old lady taking a long time in the checkout line doesn’t cause frustration, but the interpretation of her being too slow does. An implication of this theory is that we cannot directly control how we feel. We cannot simply dial up our joy levels any more than we can turn down our levels of sadness. We can only change the way we feel indirectly by changing how we think and behave, two things we actually have direct control over.
This leads to a bit of a paradox: if we think of cheerfulness as a feeling or trait - something we just have or happen to feel sometimes - we’re giving up responsibility for and control over it. This means we’re only allowing ourselves to feel cheerful when things in our life are going well. On the other hand, if we think of cheerfulness as an action - something we do or think - it becomes something we have control over, regardless of our circumstances.
So how might we practise cheerfulness?
1. Gratitude. You have to truly appreciate everything you have in life in order to be satisfied with it. If you don't feel grateful, you're always going to be looking for more, no matter how much you already have. Forget what you could have; try to focus on what you do have.
2. Present Focus. Cheerful people tend to live in the moment. They aren't preoccupied with things they've done in the past, and they aren't constantly thinking about the future. It's important to remember the past, but it's harmful to dwell in it, just like it's important to plan for the future, but it's harmful to obsess over it. Focus on being happy right now.
3. Humour. Cheerful people are typically able to find humour in almost anything. Laughing is shown to be beneficial not only for your emotional health, but also your physical health. It releases endorphins and helps you to relax. Even the simple act of smiling can carry some of these effects, so if you want to be happier in your own life, start laughing and smiling whenever you can, and surround yourself with others who appreciate humour.
4. Self-Confidence. Having faith in your own abilities can make you less stressed - you spend less time worrying about whether or not you're good enough to accomplish something and more time actively trying to do it. When you feel confident, your doubts and apprehensions don't weigh you down, and you can focus on what's in front of you. Building confidence can be difficult, especially in adulthood, but it is possible to train yourself to be more confident by practising positive thinking and remembering your skills instead of your faults.
5. Adaptability. Life changes frequently and it is more unpredictable than many of us would like. The most cheerful people in life aren't the ones who focus on the interference or the obstacle, but the ones who focus on finding the best way around it.
6. Optimism. Optimists find the best in everything and aren't ever consumed with the need to search for faults. Fostering optimism can be tough, especially if you're used to a cynical line of thinking, but, with practice, it is possible to change your outlook.
7. Intangible Values. Most happy people are not obsessed with tangible rewards or destinations. They aren't as concerned about getting to a certain position, making a certain amount of money, or having certain material things. They're more concerned with the intangible parts of life: friendship, fun, and family.
Cheerfulness allows for progress when things are going well, and for mistakes and forgiveness when they are not. If you or your child are finding cheerfulness hard to come by during this lockdown, know that there are people out there ready and willing to help you in and out of our school community, and please do not hesitate to contact us for support.
So, if your child ever receives the ‘always smiling’ medal, the ‘looking on the bright side’ shield or the ‘glass half full’ cup, do not feel disappointed - feel thankful instead. Simply take a leaf out of their book, cherish the fact that they hold a vital and sometimes elusive quality which will set them on their way to future success and happiness, and share in the joy of cultivating it.
Mr. McLaughlin
Posted on: 8/01/2021Kindness and Compassion
As we embrace 2021, it is more important than ever before that we bring our attention to the core values on which St. Helen’s College prides itself, and reflect on how we as a community live our lives. We know that the next few months may bring challenges and worries for many reasons but together we need to put the children at the centre of all of this to give them hope, joy, laughter and some form of routine each day. In doing so, we can enable them to continue flourishing as creative and inquisitive young learners.
This week in Upper School assemblies the children have been introduced to one of my new favourite books, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse, by Charlie Mackesy. The book charts the journey of four wonderful characters as they share philosophical questions on friendship, hope and love. The book can be enjoyed by anyone from a 3 year old to adults and I know that many of the staff in school and some children are already familiar with it.
I regularly dip into the book and find myself pondering over the words. I am often inspired by them; they can raise emotions I was not aware of but the book has also given me great strength over the period of this pandemic.
I highly recommend that every family has a copy of this book to share, love and discuss together. There is also a lovely audible version of the book available here which you may enjoy too.
We have launched a challenge for the children (and parents) in today’s newsletter to create their own philosophical quotes and illustrations, in the style of Charlie Mackesy, based on our school values. I hope that many of you will have a go, and I very much look forward to sharing them with you in due course.
If you would like to meet Charlie, as the children have this week, then do watch this short video here and visit his website here.
I leave you with some of the words from Charlie in his introduction to the book: “I hope this book encourages you, perhaps, to live courageously with more kindness for yourself and for others”.
Over the following weeks we need to be kind to each other and to ourselves as we navigate our way through yet another period of uncertainty but with hope for the future. We need to celebrate all the good things present with us now - your wonderful children - who this week have given so much joy to their teachers and friends, albeit remotely for most.
Mrs. Drummond
Posted on: 11/12/2020Hope, Peace, Joy, Love
As we have approached the end of this exceptional school term, I personally have drawn much strength from the four key themes of Advent, which we have been sharing in Upper School assemblies this week. Advent is a significant time in the Christian calendar, when Christians make themselves ready for the coming, or birth, of the Lord, Jesus Christ.
However, regardless of religion I feel that as a community we can all take some time over this holiday to reflect on these four key themes, to look back on the impact and outcomes of 2020 but also to look forward with optimism to the opportunities which lie ahead in 2021.
HOPE
We have all hoped that, as a school community, we would remain safe and healthy and it is due to the diligence and support of everyone that we have been remarkably successful in the children continuing with their education. For those year groups who have been affected by Covid-19, the commitment of the staff enabled the children at home to stay connected with school life and the teamwork at Lower School enabled us to remain open some weeks ago, even with 10 staff members down! We now have renewed hope with the Covid vaccination programme that hopefully we may have less restrictions at school and we can resume school life as we once knew it!
PEACE
Life for everyone has been more intense than ever before and it has been somewhat difficult for adults to find ‘peace’ with the daily updates from the government, the news, media coverage and, in school, the constant updates from the Department for Education! Finding time each day for some ‘peace’ is crucial for us all, whether that comes in the form of a mindfulness practice, a hot bath or a cup of tea. The children may also have found it difficult to find that ‘peace’ which is so important for our mental wellbeing - our school assemblies have hopefully given the children time to find calm and peace. Do allow yourselves and your family to enjoy some peaceful time over the holidays - that time where you can be free from disturbance and benefit from the effects of tranquillity.
JOY
I thank the Lord that I work in such an amazing place - your children give us all JOY each and every day. We have the privilege of working with your loved ones who bring such cheer and joy in their daily interactions. As I write this Blog I can hear the jovial interactions from the Upper School pupils as they react to the Jack and the Beanstalk pantomime traditions of ‘He’s behind you!’ and ‘Oh no it’s not!’ I have already played musical statues in 1C today and been thoroughly entertained by the pure voices of our youngest pupils in Ducklings singing ‘When Santa got stuck up the chimney’. Thank you, parents, for the JOY your children bring!
LOVE
There certainly is a lot of ‘love’ within our St. Helen’s College community - through this turbulent time we have supported each other in so many different ways. This morning I commented to a parent about the love that their child has of school; every morning she skips up the path to greet the staff and her peers. Children demonstrate their love in such simple ways - by the time we become adults we demonstrate our love in perhaps more subtle ways! Many of you are already familiar with the ‘Action for Happiness’ calendars which we use at school and I encourage you to share your love on a daily basis and attempt to follow the acts of kindness prompts in this month's calendar here.
I wish you all a wonderful festive holiday which I pray will bring you Hope, Peace, Joy and Love.
Merry Christmas and Best Wishes
Mrs. Drummond
Posted on: 4/12/2020Motherhood by Mrs. McLaughlin
I have been privileged to have frequent updates and photos from Mr. McLaughlin on the joys of fatherhood and I commend him on how he has coped with stepping up to Deputy Headship, moving home, working through a pandemic and being able to enjoy those wonderful first few months that a new baby brings to a family.
I invited Mrs. McLaughlin to reflect on motherhood and am delighted that she has shared her journey with Remi so far with us. I am sure that her blog will resonate with us and serve as a reminder of what a privilege it is to be parents.
Thank you Mrs. McLaughlin for sharing this with the community.
Mrs. Drummond
When I was asked by Mrs. Drummond to write a blog about being a new mum, I was in two minds. I have never written a blog before and I had no idea where to start. As I love new challenges and trying new things (something I have always tried to instil in the children in my class) - I’m going to give it a go.
Remi was born in June, in the midst of a pandemic. I think that the hypnobirthing course I took some months prior and a slice of good fortune combined to make the labour quite straightforward (thank goodness!).
No one ever knows what to expect when you have your first child, or subsequent children for that matter, as they are all so different and unique. So Mr. McLaughlin and I were delighted to come home six hours after delivery with a healthy and happy baby boy.
We knew that having a baby would change our lives forever, but we didn’t quite know what effect having a baby during the pandemic would have. It wasn’t easy!
Not being able to see family and friends is difficult at the best of times. After paternity leave, Mr. McLaughlin returned to work. Being a new mum with a newborn baby to look after, whilst looking after your own health and not being able to freely see family and friends, is tough.
Luckily, my sister, brother in law and 3-year-old nephew are our next door neighbours and our parents live close by, so help was at hand if needed.
There are so many stories you hear about babies: some good, some not so much, and so Mr. McLaughlin and I just had to wait and see what joys Remi would bring.
After a few tough weeks of finding my feet as a new mum, understanding Remi and his little ways of communicating, I wholeheartedly embraced motherhood and I haven’t looked back since.
I was talking to my mum a few weeks ago, and she asked me what my one stand out moment as a mother was so far. I don’t have one moment in particular as Remi has passed so many little milestones, but the smile on his face when he wakes up and sees me in the morning, along with morning hugs and snuggles, is just priceless.
My ethos as a teacher of 15 years has always been: ‘Treat the children you teach with the same love and care as if they are your own.’ Having now had Remi, I can see more than ever, the importance of this ethos.
Being a mother has helped me to learn more about myself. Remi has taught me so much about unconditional love. He has taught me about strengths I didn’t know I had and fears I didn’t know existed.
Being a teacher gives me the bonus of being very organised. I always have my Christmas gifts bought and wrapped months in advance. I always love to see the look of surprise on my husband's face on Christmas day when he sees what we got everyone! Being ahead of the game gave me a bit of time during my maternity leave to think about the prospect of Remi going to nursery, and eventually to school.
The first day I stepped foot into St. Helen’s College, there was no doubt in my mind that if we had children they would attend the school and be part of the St. Helen’s College family. All parents look for different things in a school, but for Mr. McLaughlin and I, it was always for our child to be part of a school that showed love in abundance, let them feel like they were part of the family and nurtured their talents (whatever they may be). I feel that St. Helen’s College has all of these traits.
Keeping my organised hat on, we have already enrolled Remi into Ducklings and cannot wait for him to come along with us in his little green uniform.
As I think about Remi’s future and the aspirations I have for him, I try to remind myself of a quote a friend of mine once told me: “We often worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that they are someone today.”
The small day to day things that Remi does that make him the baby he is are etched in my mind and where possible, I try to capture them on camera to look back on in the future.
Have I been able to write my heart in words and tell you how much I love being a mum? Perhaps not, but if there is one thought I can leave you with, it is this: I used to think being a teacher was the best job in the world, but I was wrong. It’s the second best. The best job in the world is being a mum.
Mrs. McLaughlin
Posted on: 27/11/2020Gurpurb
This week I would like to share with you a wonderful message from one of our parents, Mrs. Raikmo, who will be celebrating with her family this weekend.
This year on the 30th November, Sikhs from around the world will celebrate the 551st birth of Guru Nanak Dev Ji, the founder of the Sikh faith.
Guru Nanak Dev Ji was a humanitarian who spread the message of living honestly, meditating and sharing. These values resonate with us all, perhaps more than ever in these uncertain times that we live in. This pandemic has allowed us, as a family, to reflect on what it means to be an honest and kind person, sharing and looking after others as well as paying special attention to our own body and mind through mindfulness.
As we have adapted to a different way of living in these uncertain times we are reminded that we can all still care for one another. From checking in on an elderly neighbour to going for a socially distanced walk with a friend, or taking time out as a family to focus on mindfulness and to be thankful for what we have and to think of those who we can help.
St. Helen’s College’s values resonate with those of the Sikh faith and can be seen in the charitable work the school undertakes every year.
Sikhs across the world have continued to keep Langar (free food for all) open during this pandemic so no one goes hungry and continue to perform Sewa (selfless service) by distributing food and other assistance to those in need.
As we celebrate this special occasion, let’s be reminded to help those less fortunate, enjoy the time and love we have with friends and families. For within us all is the same Divine light; we are all one.
A very happy Gurpurb to you all.
Mrs. Raikmo
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